Did you think I was lost?

Greetings, blog people!

I'm not even sure when the last time I wrote was. I'm sure I could minimize this and check, but where's the fun in that? The important thing to all of you, my loyal readers, is that once again you get to partake in another installment of my blog. So get comfy, put your feet up (or not, it doesn't really matter on this end), and enjoy.

I literally just took my final for math, which means it is all over for this semester. YAY!!! I passed the class too, so that means that I am all done with math for my degree (BA in Psychology). Math has always been my weak area simply because I never really had the patience for it. I once got tested for cognitive awareness/ability as a "Balanced with right brain tendency" type of person. The right brain-among other things-is the creative side of your brain, so basically that test said I don't lean heavily toward cognitive or creative dominance, but may find that certain things come more naturally in the latter area than others. My preference for writing and music (for example) as opposed to math would be a great example of this.

So now I get to register (like I should have already) for classes next semester that will in theory be much more pleasant for me to take. The downside is that I can't take any more at MCC, so I have to actually take the remaining classes I have at ASU, where they are much more expensive. Hurrah. If anyone is heading up a foundation or has an eccentric uncle with thousands of dollars they want to put to good use, please feel free to send some goodwill my way.

Let's see, in other news...it's really been a while so let's sum up. Holidays: Halloween- missed it b/c I was doing math, Thanksgiving- awesome; we had our family (Abigail's and mine) over here and good times were had by all, Hanukah- not Jewish. So that's all the holidays I can think of up to this point.

Holidays to come will be action-packed. I'm solo Christmas Eve since the wife's working, so I'm likely going to church somewhere and then who knows? I may paint the town red and green, drink a little egg nog...actually I'm probably going to my parents house and reading for a while. But I'll stay up til midnight!

New Years we'll continue our tradition (I think this will be year 3) of going to our friends Matt & Angela's house and playing games all night with them. I am looking forward to this, as we're already planning the menu...ribs cooked in Matt's smoker. Well also for the fun and good times-no seriously it's the food.

I can't really think of anything else at the moment, so I'll sign off for now. I wish you all a Merry Christmas, or whatever miscellaneous holiday message applies to you.

I'm back and stuff!

So very, very quickly: I went on a cruise, and now I'm back! Yay! I just got finished editing some of the photos, so hopefully those will be up on Picasa by this weekend. In the meantime, I have just put up the ones from my 24th birthday so check them out. You can find the Picasa page in My Links below.

Hopefully let you know this weekend in detail how it was, but in a word, "fantastic."

TTYL,
Scott

24

I love video games. Let's just get that out of the way right now in case you're reading this blog for the first time and you don't know me personally. I am an avid gamer and have been since my brother Phil first introduced me to the NES in the really early 90's. At least those are my first gaming memories; the first games I remember are sports games (Tecmo Bowl and Mike Tyson's Punch Out!), which is a little funny since I don't play those sort of games too much now.

Video games are fun, of course, and that is the main reason I play them in my adult life, but there are other reasons. They are diverting, which is nice when I am stressed and need to think about something other than work or interpersonal drama for a while. In the game world, if I lose a battle I have the opportunity to play it over again as many times as I need to until I progress, but of course in the real world I have to be able to have the right answer and response to every situation right away. Although I am frustrated by having to do something over while I am absorbed in the game, sometimes the repetition is good to take my mind off of things.

My favorite type of game would have to be the Role Playing Game (RPG) genre, like Final Fantasy. The typical formula has the protagonist gradually learn of their part in a larger destiny and they usually lead the fight against a great threat or evil against the world/universe. At the beginning of many of these games a lot of these protagonists are lost, like they are waiting for something. I think a lot of us feel like that sometimes; I know I do.

I turned 24 last Thursday, which in itself is not particularly impressive, I know. However, I have really had the chance to think about my life thus far and tried to ask myself if I would have done anything differently. One of my favorite exercises as a writer in coming up with plot points is looking at alternate universes from my own life and following them, like if I'd never been born or if I'd moved to Oregon instead of Mesa.

Most people make New Years' resolutions, but I decided I would make a few birthday resolutions. I want to do a few things better at 24 that I was dissatisfied with at 23.
1) I want to be a lot better about staying in touch with people.
2) I need to do more writing (including this blog).
3) I should work harder on my schoolwork. It will only get more intense soon and
I know that I can't afford to waste any time.
4) I have to take better care of myself by going to the gym and eating better.
5) I want to start learning the guitar again.
These are the things that nag at me and I'm always thinking "I need to work on that." I want to be better in all my relationships and be generally happier. I want to learn some new things, and eventually (I know it won't happen in the next year) get my degree. It doesn't necessarily matter that I don't yet know what specifically I want it for; I have a good feeling that I will find out along the way.

I do know that I am happy right now (although I am definitely in need of the vacation we're about to take), and Abigail and I have made a great life together in the past three years. I want to improve some things in myself just as Abigail and I want to change things in our life together (having a baby, for instance). One of the things I have thought about is that it's okay to be unsatisfied and still happy; they're not mutually exclusive. Constantly wanting to improve your life and going after something more is a very good thing, but only if you are able to be happy with what you have.

Abigail is in the habit of putting thematic songs in her blogs, so I will put one here that's been on my mind. We won a CD while we were at Family Camp, Third Day's "Revelation," and the very first track is called "This Is Who I Am."

I'm a son of a good man
I'm the child of an angel
I'm the brother of a wild one
And I'm looking for direction
I'm the lover of a beauty
I'm the father of blessings
I'm a singer of a love song
But is that all I'm good for

Chorus
This is who I am
This is who I am
So take me and make me something so much more
This is who I am
This is who I am
So change me and make me someone better than before

I'm a saint and a sinner
I'm a lover and a fighter
I'm a true believer, with great desire
I'm a preacher of grace, prophet of love, teacher of truth
I've fallen down so many times
But here I stand in front of you

Chorus

Take me as I am
But please don't leave me that way
'Cause I know that you can make me better than I am today

Chorus

I believe God has a plan for me, and if it's to be a great, famous writer or psychologist then that's awesome. If I'm just supposed to be a good man, and somehow that helps someone, then I'm okay with that too. That will be hard enough for anyone to do anyway. :-)

Waiting for something...

If you haven't read my lovely wife's most recent blog entries, go down to my friend's list and read "An RN is Born" right now before you read the rest of this. It will tell you quite a bit of what has been going on with us lately.

I don't know how most men react to miscarriages. There are a plethora of online support groups and books for women who experience loss (as there should be), but for the men who are going through it with them...nada. We are just expected to know what to do and say as the one we love is going to pieces right in front of us. It's not fun.

I never had a life inside me; all I had were expectations. Thus when we lost the first baby in February it was only a short amount of time, and I was still getting used to the idea of even possibly being a father. It still hurt to lose the baby, but we hadn't moved into our new house yet and I hadn't had time to do much dreaming about the future. By the time we got pregnant again in June, I had had more time, and I was able to be excited instead of apprehensive!

We were in our new house by then and we coincidentally have a blue room and a pink room, so we were getting excited about different ways to tell our parents and planning different ways to arrange furniture.

We had settled on a fun way to tell our parents (involving a dinner with a menu where everything is related to babies), but that day Abigail started bleeding and feeling really bad. We decided to go through with it anyway in case the worst happened so we wouldn't be alone. We got to tell them the good news (and also told them the bad news from Feb.) and had a nice dinner, and had a couple more days mixed with happiness and tension...and then we actually lost the baby.

We stored the baby in order to take it in to be tested, and to keep it safe I put it in the mini fridge in my office. A few days later we went to our originally scheduled appointment with Abigail's doctor. She drove, and I held the baby in the bag (usually against my soda to keep it cool). I have not cried once during the entire miscarriage experience, but right after our appointment, when we had handed our baby over and I realized I would never see it again, it was close for a moment.

In the past few weeks things have gotten gradually better in a peaks and valleys sort of way. There have frequently been days where I see something or someone that reminds me of it and it makes me sad. Even if we are going through the worst time of our life, bills still have to be paid and we still have to eat, so we still have to go to work. I don't mean that to be bleak or anything, and our family and friends that have known about it have been great.

We are going to try some new things. We have spent a lot of time in prayer, and appreciate your prayers as well. We are taking better care of ourselves as far as diet and exercise and going to a gym now. Mostly we're just moving forward and trying to be hopeful that God will give our dreams to us soon.

That's just wrong...

I finally registered for my Fall semester at ASU today. Just one class right now, Finite Math. That should be enough as it is, as Math is my archnemesis and I will still be working full time.

We were thinking about foregoing the student loan and just paying for the one class out of our savings because seriously, how bad could it be? I brought up the financial page...over $1700! Curse you, ASU! This had better be all worth it some day!

Whoa now, slow down there horsey!

I think one of the reasons people get so stressed is because of the deadlines we set for ourselves, whether consciously or unconsciously. We set timetables and routines on our lives to give us structures and meanings. These help us get out of bed every day and get us places on time; they give us the persona of a reliable human being.

The problem is that in a very short time all of us can become locked into and even dependent on these deadlines and structures we put on our lives. Example: getting up at exactly the same time every day to shower, shave, eat something quick, get in the car and take the exact same route to work listening to the same radio station. Then going to work where you most likely do essentially the same thing each day to end at approximately the same time to go back home the same way (still listening to the same station). In this scenario, you might change from your work clothes (or at least change the shirt), but then you go right to your computer. If it's a laptop, you bring it near the TV and you blog/Facebook before eating dinner; married or not. You probably eat, then you check the Internet stuff again before going to bed. You do it all again the same day.

In this scenario, I don't say you necessarily meaning "you" the reader, but it definitely doesn't apply to me. If you look at my posting dates you can tell I rarely go on here, although I really should do it a tad more than I have been. My wife is an avid internet poster, on the other hand, and you can always tell what's going on with us through her. Her habits are pretty standard, but I start to get stuck in a rut if everything gets to be routine like that.

I compulsively change my habits to avoid that sort of rut. I randomly change the time on my alarm (although I make sure I still get to work on time), and sometimes hit snooze. Sometimes I shower at night, sometimes in the morning. Although I usually go the same way to work in the morning (it works, and getting there on time is important), I generally have about 4-5 different routes home to choose from. I usually listen to sports talk radio, but sometimes I don't. Sometimes I drive in silence; or I listen to something else. There are a few things I do in the same order each day at work, but I usually do things differently each day. I don't like my job very much, so if I can at least mix things up it makes it a little more bearable.

It sounds weird and crazy, but consider how much control you really have over your life. Wouldn't it be nice to break out of the routine you've put yourself in and just find a new way to do what you're already doing? It may not even be the most efficient way, but it gives you the opportunity to be creative in a way you are not often able. Something to think about.

So anyway, all that just gushed out of me; the title of this is more related to another thought altogether. A lot is happening this year, and it's almost July already! Sheesh! In this half of the year, Abigail's already finished nursing school and taken her boards, both Matt & Angela and Abigail and I have bought houses, my mom is choosing another career, my dad has changed to another department, two of my brothers got laid off, my older sister bought and sold a house (moved to another part of CO), my little sis is now a senior in high school, Travis is leaving next month for the Army, my dog moved in with us, and I traded in the PSP!

That is the first six months in a very small nutshell, but it's been an interesting ride. I just want a breather week...can I just take a week off to play the X box and not have anything interesting happen? I really miss my X box, and the halcyon days of youth.

Behold, the shiny newness!

You have all waited patiently, although some more than others, and now I have unveiled my new creation: the newest incarnation of the Scott Blog! In all seriousness, this has actually taken me a few days to put together, so I hope you like it. Part of the delay was all of the archived postings from my old MySpace blog, which my subscribers may have noticed already. If not, check the Blog Archive on the right side and you will notice 17 "new" posts in addition to this one.

I manipulated the post dates (and times) so they would come out as if they were posted on the day I had posted the original entry on MySpace. You're impressed, I know. The reason for that is I have finally done what I've been saying I'd do all along and deleted my MySpace account. Didn't see any use for it any more so I cut off the dead weight, so to speak. Now all I have is this and Facebook. Some day I may get a Twitter account, but that's not a huge priority right now.

Hopefully someone else appreciates the new game on here as much as I do...it has penguins!!! I didn't get rid of Hangman; it's just on the bottom now. I may put it back on the top but under Conquer Antarctica...any thoughts? I'm really pleased with how this has turned out and I hope you are too. Please be sure to let me know what you think as I've worked hard the last few days.

Lastly, I did run a spell check on the old entries but aside from that they are there just as I wrote them then, so feel free to comment on them. It was a fun treat to go back and look at some of my thoughts during the past couple of years. Unfortunately due to formatting errors with Word I actually lost the very first two or three I made, but oh well; I got most of them.