Greetings from 2011!

Hello faithful readers,

I would go through the whole song-and-dance explaining why it's been so long since I last wrote and would follow that up with a pledge to regularly update, but let's be honest: the people who read this know me and understand what I've been up to the last 9 months. Here's a hint:

Abigail has done a pretty fair job updating you on Aveline from her blog, so you can read that if you're not up to date. I will say that Aveline is much more trouble now that she's crawling and grabbing and (very occasionally) standing up, but also much more fun. I do miss when she would lie down next to me while the video games were on, however.

At this point, I've almost taught her everything she needs to know, but now she needs to learn to use the controller, not eat it! Just kidding grandparents...she won't play those for a few years yet.

So aside from our little monkey, what's happened in the past nine months? For the first few months we settled into our new routine with her, and by the time Abigail went back to work I was totally an expert at being a dad. I'm kidding, but it really did surprised me how easy it is. People tell us that we are lucky to have such an "easy" baby, and that may be true, but I have noticed that babies can smell fear, just like werewolves. As long as Aveline knows that we're in control and that she's safe, she's generally pretty happy and calm. Exceptions include teething, the time I let her fall off  she totally jumped off the couch like a ninja, and a recent fever bug thingy, but in a general sense she is super happy, and so are we.

I think I started to talk about non-baby things, but that's sort of difficult. When I got married, I was annoyed the first few months when I would walk into a room and invariably hear one or more of the following: "Where's Abigail?", "How's married life?", and something to the effect of "Are you guys thinking about kids yet?". This was pretty annoying for a while but I got over it, and that's probably best since it prepared me for: "Where's the baby?", "Getting any sleep?", "When's the next one coming along?". I'm not kidding; that's really how it is, and because of it I haven't been too upset about missing social events (i.e. church). I'm never too upset about sleeping in on Sundays, but that's a whole other blog post.

So anyway, after the New Year, we were somewhat adjusted to parenthood and Abigail was back to work. Around February, I began to look into going back to school once again, and we did the budget to see if it would work. Without too much detail, we decided that I could work part time and go to school full time without any real hardship other than giving up my morning $4 coffee ritual. Bearing that in mind, I squared everything with the boss and registered for the Game Production program at Collins College, with the intent of starting full time in early March. Then I went back to the hospital.

Some time in March (I think the 8th, but it's fuzzy for obvious reasons), I was lying in bed with Abigail and Aveline not wanting to go to work. I guess God saw some humor in that because the next thing I remember was waking up in the ER of the hospital where Abigail works. I am told that I had 4 concurrent seizures and the doctor described the damage to my back (which was quite severe) as "sort of like getting in 4 car wrecks in a row." So instead of going to school, I stayed home for a couple of weeks. I started 2 online classes for the 10 week term instead, but my recovery time was cut a bit short when my boss resigned from his position. I learned about this on a Friday and due to a freakish sense of responsibility (thank you so much, parents!) I went back to work for a few hours a day in order to keep the new guy from drowning. I started physical therapy at about the same time.

A couple weeks later, Abigail and I decided I could quit work altogether and we would still be okay going to school, so I put in something like an 8-week notice and worked 3-4 days a week while going to physical therapy 3 times a week. My last day at the Marriott was May 25, although technically I am still on call should they need help. If you have a picture in your head right now of me growing a beard and playing games all day, go ahead and erase it. Abigail made me shave the beard after a week and a half and since school started I haven't had much time for gaming. I will do another blog post (possibly tonight) about school, but let me just say now that it's AWESOME!

This has run rather long, but I would be very thoughtless if I did not take the time to acknowledge the people that have been so supportive the past few months when I have really needed them. I do not have many friends for a reason: I prefer quality over quantity. My friends really stepped up to the plate, and Angela (my friend Matt's wife, and a friend in her own right) was there to drive me to work when I wasn't able to do it on my own. There were some days when I knew her schedule was tight and it was an inconvenience, but she did it gracefully and wouldn't even let me chip in for gas (she did let me buy her coffee on occasion). It was pretty depressing being stuck at the house, barely mobile, and Travis, Matt, and Andrew often visited or checked up on me when I needed it. Andrew even shared his DBacks fortune to take me to a few games, and managed not to injure me too severely during the 7th inning stretch!

My mother deserves a special mention for essentially living with us for about a month and a half. I think it's fair to say that the situation wasn't ideal for anyone, but she not only helped me move about when I needed it and took care of Aveline, she got up with her during the night and put her own plans on hold when ours changed. Abigail's parents were also there for us in different ways; they also watched her when needed and Al actually took care of the weeds in our yard when I wasn't able to (as did my brother Tim on multiple occasions!). I'm very thankful that Aveline has grandparents and other family that she can depend on when her daddy is being high maintenance!

Most importantly, however, I am so thankful for Abigail's constant support. She has supported my decision to go back to school from the beginning and has worked hard with me (I live here too so I get 1% credit) to redo our budget in order to make it possible. When I was hurt and unable to do much, she was very good with the situation and took great care of me, but did not let me fall back on my physical therapy and made sure I continued to move around and take care of things. It has not been an easy 3 months, but she has been invaluable. I think I'll keep her.

Okay, well I think that pretty much brings you to speed. I'll try to post at least one or two more topics in detail, but if not...see you in 9 months or so (no that is not a hint)!

Stay frosty,

Scott

Excited

I have an unfortunate tendency to tell the truth when asked a direct question. That doesn't mean I lack social tact or anything; it's just that I have trained myself to be as honest as possible. This makes me valuable in the workplace since I can be trusted, but it tends to create socially awkward situations for me. The most recent example I can give you is when people who know about our baby ask me, "So, are you excited?" I have different responses depending on how well I know the person asking the question, but I have never said, "Yes."

From time to time I have found it necessary to qualify my response, particularly to my mother-in-law, who didn't really know what to say when I told her, "No, not at the moment." I went on to explain that while I was not unhappy about the situation, there were too many things for me to take care of between now and September to be excited. I have said Abigail is excited enough for the both of us (anyone who reads her blog can tell).

So today, I found myself with an unusual amount of free time at work, and I had only gotten about 4-5 hours of sleep last night (which, incidentally, is the amount I have gotten every night for about a week). I was somewhat out of it today, and was fortunate that it was a slow day. As the afternoon wore on and most of my work was finished, I found myself lost in thought.

At some point I started thinking about my daughter, and what she will look like. I wondered what it will be like to teach her things, and if I will ever take her to work with me. I imagined conversations with her. I have the feeling  that she will be really smart; she has good genes. I thought about taking her to her grandparents' houses, and maybe even on a long trip up to Colorado. She has a lot of family there.

Something unusual happened. I stopped being able to concentrate on the work I was doing altogether, and was seized with an urgent desire to get up from my desk, go home, and get to work early on the baby's room (that we're painting tomorrow). I stayed for two more hours (and did get more work done), but the peculiar feeling remained. For just a few moments, I managed to think of my daughter as someone who will be part of my life, and forgot about all of the things we will have to do in the next few months (and for the rest of our lives). I can honestly tell you that yes, now I'm excited. I'm still probably not quite on the level Abigail is, but I'm not sure that's possible.

In a few months, I'm going to be a dad. For a long time, my dad was really the only man I associated with the word. Now I have another one (or Abigail does, anyway, and so he's stuck with me). My brother Phil and my godfather Tim are dads (which is still very strange to me), and now my friends Josh and Travis are having kids too (June and September, respectively). Whenever I have a problem, or whenever I'm excited about something, I always want to tell my dad about it. Someday there's going to be someone who needs me in the same way. Maybe I should learn more about cars, sports, or something dad-like so I'm up to the task.

Random Jottings

I've found that I'm pretty good at starting projects. If I opened up my hard drive for you to look at, you would find quite a few poems, several short stories (unfinished), two novels (unfinished), a weight loss tracking chart (I think that lasted a few months and even made it to the blog), and a couple of animation clips from the expensive graphic arts software I bought and have used maybe four times. I also have a book of quotes that I'm very fond of (the title is "Random Jottings"), and I have occasionally kept up with it throught the years. When I think about the number of good quotes I have missed, it makes me sad. This blog is another of those neglected projects. I have great initial bursts of creativity, and then I remember how cool the X Box (actually now it's the PS3) is. I actually tried giving up video games for Lent this year. I made it about 28 days out of 40.

I'm going to be a father this year, and the third biggest fear I have (next to the fear of being into the room while my wife's in labor and most of all my fear of dropping the child) is how long my interest will last in this new project. Am I ready to commit to something full-time for once, or will my daughter have to hear "not right now" for most of her life? We haven't decided on a name for the little one yet, but the thought of being actually responsible for her scares me. I sincerely hope that I treat her with more attention than my pets; if my cats didn't jump in my lap I'd probably forget all about them, and my dog still lives with my parents (I think he's happier there, though).

Growing up sucks. Please don't get the wrong impression; I really am completely happy with the choices I have made, and I look forward to my (our) little Monkey's arrival in September. My problem is more of a lack of direction. Supposedly I'm should be in control of some aspects of my life by now, but to be honest I'm lucky to remember what day of the week it is on a given day.

I know I want the best for my family, and I suppose most parents/spouses do. I had everything figured out before I graduated high school, and literally nothing has gone the way I expected since then, and suddenly almost six years have elapsed. It's kind of like a line in the Ben Folds Five song "Jackson Cannery": "Seconds pass slowly, and years keep flyin' by." I suppose it would be better to enjoy each moment as it comes, but that is much easier said than done right now. Every time Abigail says she wants it to be September, I tell her we'll get there, but to be honest it's hard to follow my own advice. I wish it were Christmas, myself, and maybe by then I'll have everything figured out. Were I a betting man, though, I would put money on "probably not."

In all fairness, maybe most of this is the past few hours listening to jazz and blues talking. Tomorrow is a new day, and maybe everything will make sense then. I'm going to put some nature sounds on and get some much needed sleep now. Take care, people!