24

I love video games. Let's just get that out of the way right now in case you're reading this blog for the first time and you don't know me personally. I am an avid gamer and have been since my brother Phil first introduced me to the NES in the really early 90's. At least those are my first gaming memories; the first games I remember are sports games (Tecmo Bowl and Mike Tyson's Punch Out!), which is a little funny since I don't play those sort of games too much now.

Video games are fun, of course, and that is the main reason I play them in my adult life, but there are other reasons. They are diverting, which is nice when I am stressed and need to think about something other than work or interpersonal drama for a while. In the game world, if I lose a battle I have the opportunity to play it over again as many times as I need to until I progress, but of course in the real world I have to be able to have the right answer and response to every situation right away. Although I am frustrated by having to do something over while I am absorbed in the game, sometimes the repetition is good to take my mind off of things.

My favorite type of game would have to be the Role Playing Game (RPG) genre, like Final Fantasy. The typical formula has the protagonist gradually learn of their part in a larger destiny and they usually lead the fight against a great threat or evil against the world/universe. At the beginning of many of these games a lot of these protagonists are lost, like they are waiting for something. I think a lot of us feel like that sometimes; I know I do.

I turned 24 last Thursday, which in itself is not particularly impressive, I know. However, I have really had the chance to think about my life thus far and tried to ask myself if I would have done anything differently. One of my favorite exercises as a writer in coming up with plot points is looking at alternate universes from my own life and following them, like if I'd never been born or if I'd moved to Oregon instead of Mesa.

Most people make New Years' resolutions, but I decided I would make a few birthday resolutions. I want to do a few things better at 24 that I was dissatisfied with at 23.
1) I want to be a lot better about staying in touch with people.
2) I need to do more writing (including this blog).
3) I should work harder on my schoolwork. It will only get more intense soon and
I know that I can't afford to waste any time.
4) I have to take better care of myself by going to the gym and eating better.
5) I want to start learning the guitar again.
These are the things that nag at me and I'm always thinking "I need to work on that." I want to be better in all my relationships and be generally happier. I want to learn some new things, and eventually (I know it won't happen in the next year) get my degree. It doesn't necessarily matter that I don't yet know what specifically I want it for; I have a good feeling that I will find out along the way.

I do know that I am happy right now (although I am definitely in need of the vacation we're about to take), and Abigail and I have made a great life together in the past three years. I want to improve some things in myself just as Abigail and I want to change things in our life together (having a baby, for instance). One of the things I have thought about is that it's okay to be unsatisfied and still happy; they're not mutually exclusive. Constantly wanting to improve your life and going after something more is a very good thing, but only if you are able to be happy with what you have.

Abigail is in the habit of putting thematic songs in her blogs, so I will put one here that's been on my mind. We won a CD while we were at Family Camp, Third Day's "Revelation," and the very first track is called "This Is Who I Am."

I'm a son of a good man
I'm the child of an angel
I'm the brother of a wild one
And I'm looking for direction
I'm the lover of a beauty
I'm the father of blessings
I'm a singer of a love song
But is that all I'm good for

Chorus
This is who I am
This is who I am
So take me and make me something so much more
This is who I am
This is who I am
So change me and make me someone better than before

I'm a saint and a sinner
I'm a lover and a fighter
I'm a true believer, with great desire
I'm a preacher of grace, prophet of love, teacher of truth
I've fallen down so many times
But here I stand in front of you

Chorus

Take me as I am
But please don't leave me that way
'Cause I know that you can make me better than I am today

Chorus

I believe God has a plan for me, and if it's to be a great, famous writer or psychologist then that's awesome. If I'm just supposed to be a good man, and somehow that helps someone, then I'm okay with that too. That will be hard enough for anyone to do anyway. :-)