If you haven't read my lovely wife's most recent blog entries, go down to my friend's list and read "An RN is Born" right now before you read the rest of this. It will tell you quite a bit of what has been going on with us lately.
I don't know how most men react to miscarriages. There are a plethora of online support groups and books for women who experience loss (as there should be), but for the men who are going through it with them...nada. We are just expected to know what to do and say as the one we love is going to pieces right in front of us. It's not fun.
I never had a life inside me; all I had were expectations. Thus when we lost the first baby in February it was only a short amount of time, and I was still getting used to the idea of even possibly being a father. It still hurt to lose the baby, but we hadn't moved into our new house yet and I hadn't had time to do much dreaming about the future. By the time we got pregnant again in June, I had had more time, and I was able to be excited instead of apprehensive!
We were in our new house by then and we coincidentally have a blue room and a pink room, so we were getting excited about different ways to tell our parents and planning different ways to arrange furniture.
We had settled on a fun way to tell our parents (involving a dinner with a menu where everything is related to babies), but that day Abigail started bleeding and feeling really bad. We decided to go through with it anyway in case the worst happened so we wouldn't be alone. We got to tell them the good news (and also told them the bad news from Feb.) and had a nice dinner, and had a couple more days mixed with happiness and tension...and then we actually lost the baby.
We stored the baby in order to take it in to be tested, and to keep it safe I put it in the mini fridge in my office. A few days later we went to our originally scheduled appointment with Abigail's doctor. She drove, and I held the baby in the bag (usually against my soda to keep it cool). I have not cried once during the entire miscarriage experience, but right after our appointment, when we had handed our baby over and I realized I would never see it again, it was close for a moment.
In the past few weeks things have gotten gradually better in a peaks and valleys sort of way. There have frequently been days where I see something or someone that reminds me of it and it makes me sad. Even if we are going through the worst time of our life, bills still have to be paid and we still have to eat, so we still have to go to work. I don't mean that to be bleak or anything, and our family and friends that have known about it have been great.
We are going to try some new things. We have spent a lot of time in prayer, and appreciate your prayers as well. We are taking better care of ourselves as far as diet and exercise and going to a gym now. Mostly we're just moving forward and trying to be hopeful that God will give our dreams to us soon.
I don't know how most men react to miscarriages. There are a plethora of online support groups and books for women who experience loss (as there should be), but for the men who are going through it with them...nada. We are just expected to know what to do and say as the one we love is going to pieces right in front of us. It's not fun.
I never had a life inside me; all I had were expectations. Thus when we lost the first baby in February it was only a short amount of time, and I was still getting used to the idea of even possibly being a father. It still hurt to lose the baby, but we hadn't moved into our new house yet and I hadn't had time to do much dreaming about the future. By the time we got pregnant again in June, I had had more time, and I was able to be excited instead of apprehensive!
We were in our new house by then and we coincidentally have a blue room and a pink room, so we were getting excited about different ways to tell our parents and planning different ways to arrange furniture.
We had settled on a fun way to tell our parents (involving a dinner with a menu where everything is related to babies), but that day Abigail started bleeding and feeling really bad. We decided to go through with it anyway in case the worst happened so we wouldn't be alone. We got to tell them the good news (and also told them the bad news from Feb.) and had a nice dinner, and had a couple more days mixed with happiness and tension...and then we actually lost the baby.
We stored the baby in order to take it in to be tested, and to keep it safe I put it in the mini fridge in my office. A few days later we went to our originally scheduled appointment with Abigail's doctor. She drove, and I held the baby in the bag (usually against my soda to keep it cool). I have not cried once during the entire miscarriage experience, but right after our appointment, when we had handed our baby over and I realized I would never see it again, it was close for a moment.
In the past few weeks things have gotten gradually better in a peaks and valleys sort of way. There have frequently been days where I see something or someone that reminds me of it and it makes me sad. Even if we are going through the worst time of our life, bills still have to be paid and we still have to eat, so we still have to go to work. I don't mean that to be bleak or anything, and our family and friends that have known about it have been great.
We are going to try some new things. We have spent a lot of time in prayer, and appreciate your prayers as well. We are taking better care of ourselves as far as diet and exercise and going to a gym now. Mostly we're just moving forward and trying to be hopeful that God will give our dreams to us soon.
3 comments:
Words are so empty even when they are full of love and compassion. King David spoke for the pain a man feels and his feeling of helplessness. 2 Samuel 12:20-24 shows his pain, his acceptance that he cannot bring the child back and his resolve to comfort his wife. That is all you can do. God will use your pain and understanding of it's depth to His glory. My son... you have become a man and all I can give you now is my prayers and watch you as you soar above the sorrow. I love you.
It has been a month now and the healing process is so evident in both yours and Abigails lives. I am so proud of you both as you give each other love and support and keep your faith strong. In a few days you are going on a cruise. I am so excited for you... anything can happen at sea :-). Praying for you and loving you more every day.
Abigail and Scott,
Oh, so sad; please accept my heartfelt, compassionate condolence in the passing of the baby unborn. I have been there, a few times; eventually receiving surgery at 29 yrs old and never blessed with birthing a child. One day we shall see our unborn children, in God's beyond, and they shall know us as we shall know them, in His presence shall we joyfully dwell and call one another by name, having one Father eternally.
May Christ, through you, work His Mercy and Grace.
In Him, Sela1
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